Love Is Blood
by You Don't But Thanks Anyway
Summary: Faith goes hunting in the cemetery and finds Buffy. She finds out she doesn't always have all the control. T for language and some slashyness. Reviews much appreciated


_Blood to bind and love to damn me  
Formed in clay, the fire has made me faceless  
__Faceless  
Torn to shreds, but I'm still standing  
Never sleeping and never blinded_

I'm walking through the darkness and I can feel the night calling to me, telling me it's alive, telling me to come and take advantage. Kill. Feel alive.

Cause I have too many scars, but guess what? I'm not dead yet, baby. I'll never be dead to you and we both know it. I'm on my feet and asking for more, cause I'll always take it. It's part of what makes us what we are. If we can't take the pain who can? Who else will? You know I'm right. And you know you don't want me gone. Cause if I'm gone, well, then what would be left for you? Where would the fun go? Where would the ache go? You live for it. So do I. I'm not sleeping, baby. Too much to do.

My eyes dart all around, predatorily, sharply as I walk. I keep my back straight and my head up, prepared for whatever I know I can take. I catch the scent of something up ahead, something already dead that needs a proper slaughter. I pick up the pace, jogging now, and see my target. I don't even register on his radar until I drive the stake through his back. Or was it a she? I don't care. I don't really even care if they had fangs or not. But they did, cause now I have dust on my shoes.

I continue on, knowing you're here somewhere. You're always what I'm hoping for.

I don't die. I kill instead.

And I can see better than you ever will.  
_  
Sweetness taken from me in the moment I misspent  
All good ripped out from me and the silence never ends_

I'll always be the bad guy, huh? That's what you want, cause then you're always shining in a good light. After all, what would everyone say if Little Miss Halo was ever anything but? I'll always be the one with the stake in my hand that night.

But you know you want what I have, babe. You crave it more than anything else, this freedom, this. . .power. Something you'll never have cause you're just too afraid. Pity. You'd look so hot in evil clothes.

But, then again, if you came over to my way of killing – did you catch that there? – I'd have no one to fight with, and that's just no fun.

Ain't my fault I went this way. We both know that.

Doesn't matter now. Shut up.

I'm going through a row of trees, now, and I swear I feel something familiar in the air, and I swear I know what it is.

But I'll keep it quiet for now.

I walk softly and quickly across the ground, using all my senses to catch anything that may be lurking. Can't wait to smell blood again. Maybe I'm looking in the wrong place for that.

It's so quiet. . . . .

I hate the silence.  
_  
Blood to fade and love to wither  
No one holds and nothing lives here  
Faceless_

There's a good amount of fog tonight – I guess it conceals me, but it also covers up everything else. No good.

At least you wouldn't see me. I can laugh at you then, cause you won't see me.

Everything here is dead. I like the feeling. Bet you don't, though, do you? Nah, that's not your style. You need bright sunshine all the time to make sure shadows like me don't grab at you. But I guess that plan didn't work very well, now did it? Haha. I can laugh at you. Can you laugh at me?

Wait. Ah. . . There you are, princess. Come out to play. I can feel my smirk as I watch you become clearer, closer. A set expression, always unreadable and yet – obvious. Hmm.

You say my name, and I grin wider.

"Come to haunt me?"

Something flashes in your eyes, and I know what it is.

_I haunt you. _

"It's always a game with you isn't it?" You're close now. So close.

"Has it ever been anything but?" I take a step closer, past your personal shield. "Was I ever serious to you? It's just too much fun." I cock my head. "Don't you think it's fun?"

You answer with an upward fist to my jaw, sending my flying back into the trunk of a tree. Shit, that was good. You actually got me in the air. I love flying with you.

I give a small laugh of amusement, shoving myself up and brushing myself off. I know there'll be a bruise on my back from that. But it'll be gone by tomorrow morning.

"You still got it, good for you." I nod in appreciation. "You're gonna need it." I strike you back before you can react, knocking you into a nearby gravestone. I walk over to you as you quickly jump up, poised for battle.

I laugh. "But hey, can't we just chat like old times? Assuming there were good old times. . . My memory's a little foggy. Isn't there anything you just have to get off your chest?" Fake drama in my voice. "Any secrets? Anything you need to talk about? Tell me? You can tell me. Come on." I move closer, into your face. "You know you wanna." I give a half-cocked grin. You narrow your eyes at me.

That's right, babe. I know how to push your buttons without even trying. Cause everyone has secrets. 'Cept, in our case, they were never really secrets, were they?

"Why are you here?" You finally speak again. Your voice has a defensive edge. Gotta keep those walls up.

"Cause I needed to kill things. That's what I'm best at, remember?" I pause. "And besides, I always know I'll run into you, and that just makes my night complete."

"Shut up."

I put my hands up in mock surrender. "Ooo, touchy tonight aren't we?"

You raise your eyebrows. "I'm not the one who's the most affected."

I don't have to ask by what. We both know.

I slowly lower my arms until they rest back down by my sides. "Fuck you." Calm. Smooth. Laced with. . .something. No.

Now you grin, satisfied. I want to beat it off your face. "Not now, I'm not really in the mood. Maybe some other time."

I shoot back. "The waiting just makes it better in the end." I match your grin.

"But you'll never get what you want." Teasing. Amused. "You'll never have anything. It's sad, really." You cock your head the way I do, then take a step towards me. "You'll just have the pain, eating away at you, burrowing a hole inside of you. The hurt that you feel in every inch of your body – unbearable, isn't it? Nothing but a big, black hole that everything falls into cause you just can't have what you want, you poor, wretched soul. So I guess the only way to deal with that is to kill everything else. That's your attempt to ease the pain."  
_  
Sweetness taken from me with a gesture of contempt  
All good ripped out from me and the silence never ends_

The words sink in for a second before my fist reconnects with your face, this time sending you flying at least ten feet. Rage is in my eyes and I can't see straight, but I'm still trying to focus. For a moment the silence is back, and then you're up, a trickle of blood going from your nose to your chin.

The fog is thinning now.

"You can't take it, can you?" you nearly shout as you walk towards me, "You can't stand it! You have to live with it every day, the knowledge that you will never have m – "

But I've cut you off, I've reached you and swung at you again, knocking your head to the side. "You know I'm not the only one!" I shout at you before regaining some composure. I lean in to you with my whole body, my voice lowering gradually to a whisper in your ear. "You know you have to hurt me and beat me because if you don't you'll give in. You can't focus unless you're the one in control cause you're just _so_ afraid. You're like a child. You're afraid I'll win." I get even closer, if it's possible, and you would never hear me if you were anyone else. "You know I would."

You cry out in rage and shove me away, but I know I've hit something. I've gotten you back, and I'm not gonna stop now. Cause it's always a fight. It has to be.

"Yeah, not so confident now, are you?" I laugh. "You're pathetic."

You rush into me, knocking me over and landing on top of me. I thrash around, trying to get out from under you, but you pin my arms down and lean impossibly close to my face.

"I'm not the one that's pathetic."

I'm still as a stone. I cannot move. Something is clouding my vision and making your eyes the only thing I can see. I feel your slight weight pressing against me and I want to drown.

You notice what's happening and you smirk triumphantly, knowingly. I hate it. You haven't moved from your position, and now you're gazing at me. You push harder into me, and I let out an involuntary gasp.  
_  
I could scream into finality  
with the knowledge that's consuming me_

Fury blazes in my eyes as I scream, the only thing I can do. "I HATE YOU! _I FUCKING HATE YOU!_" I whip my head from side to side, trying to get out. I don't even realize that my eyes are wet as I scream over and over and over, the words slurring together in a jumbled frenzy. What's happening to me? This isn't part of it. This isn't supposed to be.

When I finally calm down as much as I can manage I hear just one word.

"Liar."

I can't bear the look in your eyes. I roughly roll you over so that now your back is against the cold ground. I stare at you for a moment before coming back to my senses. My breathing is harsh and erratic, still filled with anger. If that's what it was.

I find my voice. "So go on. Show me how strong _you_ are then, Slayer. You're so powerful, right? Nothing affects you. Then push me off. Tell me you're not _affected._" I breathe the word into your face. "Tell me I'm the only one."

You don't move, just as I had expected you wouldn't. Cause you can never resist me. Never.

"Show me your great gift. Your _power._ I have power too, you know. Oh so much." I narrow my eyes for a moment. "You never used your power the way I did, not until I made you. Cause I have that control." I run my hand down one of the arms I have you pinned by. "I'm _always_ in control."

For a frozen second in time your eyes lock with mine, and there's something compelling, haunting there, that I know is reflected from my own. And everything goes away, and there is nothing but you.

Blood to bind and love to damn me  
See me now and know that I am faceless  
Blood that is purer than the poison in your veins;  
Love that runs truer than the hatred and the pain;  
That's the blood that runs in me

And then I'm pushing off, I'm flying upwards and leaving you there. And you're coming right up after me, unwilling to leave this now. There's a dagger in your hand and I don't even realize the bloody streak on my arm until you've pulled it back again with the crimson shimmering in the moonlight.

"You don't think I can hurt you? Is that what you think?" You're yelling, your voice filled with passion. "I can hurt you! I can always fucking hurt you!" You slash wildly at me with the knife, and I leap back to avoid having my midsection sliced. "I'LL SHOW YOU!" Screaming now, as I back up and you come forward. "I'M NOT AFRAID OF YOU! I'M NOT! I'M NOT!" You hurl the blade forward, and I have to duck as I hear it imbed itself into the tree yards behind me.

When I pop back up you're running full-force at me, and suddenly I'm overtaken by something I can't describe. You barrel into me, and we're both shouting as you fling me against another tree. I lunge at you with a growl and throw you against a nearby boulder, holding you there by the shoulder and putting all my weight on my hand.

"I LOVED YOU!" I scream before I realize what I'm saying. You punch me in the jaw, as if to refute my words, and I ignore the stream of blood that gushes from my lip. I pull you forward and slam you against the rock again. "I LOVED YOU! GOD DAMN IT! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! EVERYTHING! EVERYTHING, FOR YOU! IT WAS ALL FOR YOU! IT WAS ALL BECAUSE. . .of you. . ." My voice breaks as blood runs down my neck and arm, and I chuck you into another gravestone. You sit for a moment, watching me, stunned. Then you come back.

"AND I DIDN'T LOVE YOU? IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK?" You scream at me. "I DON'T STILL DO?"

I spin my head violently to look at you. "DOES IT MATTER? DOES IT REALLY FUCKING MATTER NOW?" A moment. "Everything is fucking gone! Wrecked! Ruined! You can't right any of this, and neither can I!" The tears are on both our faces, and go unnoticed. Not that we'd care at this point even if we knew. "Neither can I."  
_  
Blood to bind and love to damn me_

You stare at me for a long time before speaking quietly. "I tried." Your voice broken by grief.

I sharply turn my eyes to you. "Really? You tried? How many times did I reach out to you? How many times did I cry out for help? All I ever wanted was you. All I ever wanted was your help. Where the fuck were you?" Your sorrow is reflected in my eyes and I know it. And I don't care this time.

Your mouth opens as if to say something, then closes. "I was scared." A whisper.

"I know." My voice steadier now.

You walk over to me, slowly, as if it will never happen again. You stop only when I feel your breath on my face.

"I love you too." I feel your mouth on mine and then you're gone.

And the fog thickens as my blood drips onto the ground.


End file.
